Daddy's Girl.

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HELLO SHANSHINE! ☼ GOODBYE

Monday, August 16, 2010

100.

Not exactly the 100th blog post, but for this blog yesh, happy 100th.

I have so many things to tell. I love stories. My story, your story, our story. Untold stories unfolded one by one. Sometimes I really wonder how things would be like in heaven. Will we all be able to sit beside God and listening to him telling us stories on how he created heaven and earth, how sad and how happy He is in all the bible stories, asking Him why some parts of my life is like this not like that, why there's poverty, why the sky is blue, birds can't speak and mystery unfolding one by one.

I've generated lots of thoughts and rest this holiday. I think part of me is feeling very tired, really tired. After running 21 years, having many responsibility as the eldest, as a daughter, as a servant of God, as a student, as a leader, as a teacher, as so many other roles and outfit I should wear, I really just want to come back as a child quiet in His arm. Made mistakes, plenty of them. Did the right things, a lot of times too. Sometimes I look back, I smile. Sometimes I still don't understand.

I cry when I am sad, angry, disappointed, stress and many times when I know I'm in His presence. Who says crying is childish. I look back, I'm proud of how God has brought me through so far and it is often in His presence I can just be like a child and really wept for a good reason. So many times I thought I'm right, but I'm wrong. My judgement fails me. So many times I thought I'm right and I'm wronged. My righteousness are nothing compare to His standard of righteousness. And many things people would not need to worry, need to think about it, I need to. His providence and care show me how little faith I am and how immeasurable He is. All these I thank God, it has all made me for who I am today, a person made stronger and in awe of His goodness. Tales unfolding one by one, so many people I want to thank too, those who have walk with me, walk beside me. Thank you for being part of my tale, even just a very short chapter.

I think I've grown up a little. I don't know. That's what my close friends say. My perspective towards many things in life have changed. Maybe I'm so used to handling all the stuff all by myself, trying to make things so perfect and it's time I need to let it go and once again recognize who should fully take control of the steering. There's just this desire to want God even more in every aspects of life. To be once again less of me, more of You.

I think I'm braver now.

Would you just sit down and have a cup of tea with me?

Let's talk.

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